'schizophrenic chatter'

[Desmodab]

Looks like Big_Dan_G going for his Sunday morning coffee... 

SS

[Pops]

SS, just wanted to help you out next time you are marking bolts while working on the bike.  Note the appropriate color to use 

[Pops]

Very Short Letters

Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the Ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Sincerely,
Unicorns
 
Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection.
Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sincerely,
Logic

Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.
Sincerely,
The Titanic

Dear America ,
You produced Miley Cyrus.  Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely,
Canada

Dear Yahoo,
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just saying...
Sincerely,
Google

Dear 2010,
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?
Sincerely,
1985

Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're mostly dead.
Sincerely,
BP Oil

Dear Saturn,
I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
Sincerely,
God

Dear Fox News,
So far, no news about foxes.
Sincerely,
Unimpressed

Dear jf;ldsfa/kvsmmklnn,
Please lknvfdmv.xvn.
Sincerely,
Stevie Wonder

Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,
Please make one for every skin color.
Sincerely,
Black people

Dear Scissors,
I feel your pain.....no one wants to run with me either.
Sincerely,
Sarah Palin

Dear World of Warcraft,
Thank you for ensuring my son's virginity.
Sincerely,
Parents Everywhere

Dear Customers,
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Sincerely,
Nail Salon Ladies

Dear Ugly People,
You're welcome.
Sincerely,
Alcohol

Dear World,
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendar ends there because some Spanish dirtbags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?
Sincerely,
The Mayans

Dear White People,
Don't you just hate immigrants?
Sincerely,
Native Americans

Dear iPhone,
Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut.
Sincerely,
Every iPhone User

Dear Man,
It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?
Sincerely,
Elephant

[bobbyvstrom]

those are great letters.  Bobby

[Pops]

Hey great to hear from you Bobby

[Desmodab]

Wow, double-whammy on the colours today.  Ouch! no witty retort due to birthday and total lack of wit.

Loved the letters M - hilarious.

SS

[acid jockey]

a funny list from the bday guy. Has to have a sence of humor after what we tried tonite with the shed. I have officially out red necked myself. Smuph have the damaging evidence

[Desmodab]

New long distance tourer?

Like the colour of the bike, but not the accent lights 

http://mashable.com/2011/09/22/tron-lightcycle-electric/

SS

[Desmodab]

If you haven't seen this already, it's hilarious.  Best car crash description ever:

http://gawker.com/5840949/arizona-man-gives-the-best-description-of-a-car-crash-ever

SS

[Pops]

New long distance tourer?

Like the colour of the bike, but not the accent lights 

http://mashable.com/2011/09/22/tron-lightcycle-electric/

SS

I agree, those red tail lights take away from the beautiful blue

[Rob]

Damn that things ugly.  Doesn't look like it'll corner worth a crap either, and it sure isn't back road capable....

[Desmodab]

I laughed at the turning radius and the riding position.  Who could ride that for more than about 20 mins?  Hence my facetious "Long Distance" comment.  Also noticed the guy could barely turn it around in the parking lot, useless. 

Falls under the category "just because you can doesn't mean you should"!  It appears that they intend to try to sell them too!  Well, best of luck to them!!

SS

[Skinnifatkid]

Damn that things ugly.  Doesn't look like it'll corner worth a crap either, and it sure isn't back road capable....

This might be better suited for the VStrom crowd!!! 


And its Edmonton ready with the guns attached!!! 

[Skinnifatkid]

If you haven't seen this already, it's hilarious.  Best car crash description ever:

http://gawker.com/5840949/arizona-man-gives-the-best-description-of-a-car-crash-ever

SS

I think he did get "juiced" when he opened the door, give that man some Valium! 

[colin]

FYI. 2012 V-Strom I don't think they made it any prettier but...
http://www.cyclecanadaweb.com/articles/11928/

[ShinyOwen]

Holy craponacracker:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CzJOY0nzKIw&feature=player_embedded

The real action starts around 0:48

From TopGear.com:

Video: yet another demonstration that bike racers are utterly mental

Posted by: Matthew Jones, 23 September 2011
    Can you watch this without flinching?

This is pretty horrendous. Really. It's unpleasant to watch.

All seems to be bike-racing business as usual during the first 50 seconds of footage of the German competition, Deutschen Rundstrecken Challenge. Then there's a crash. And a lot more besides.

In his words: "I saw the dust (at about 200 km/h), lift the throttle. Avoid to hit the crashed driver. Thought to pass the rotating bike also on the left side, but then I realised that it came across the track (it was not flying on the line of the accelerating masses).

"Then braking - not too hard avoiding to be hit by following riders.... Afterwards - of course, full throttle. The race wasn't interrupted yet."

But the real question is: how the hell does he manage to sit on a motorcycle with such colossal manparts?

[Rob]

From the "dumb stuff someone at work sent me file"

PRICKLY  PAIR-----OUCH! 
In Michigan   a man came into the ER with   lacerations  to  his penis.  He  complained that his wife had '...a
rat  in  her privates...'  which bit him during sex (not  the first  conclusion  I would have drawn, I don't think). After an 
examination  of  his wife, it was revealed that she had a surgical needle   left  inside  her after a  recent hysterectomy.

PING PONG  ANYONE? ----- 
A 20 year old man came into the ER with  a stony mass in his rectum. He said that he and his boyfriend  were  fooling     
around with concrete mix, when his boyfriend had the idea  of  pouring  the mix into his anus using a funnel   
(you'd do the  same, I'm sure!)?!!. The  concrete then hardened, (no sh*t Sherlock)!   causing  constipation and pain.
Under general anesthesia, a  perfect concrete  cast of the man's rectum was removed along with a ping pong  ball. 
(Boy we live sheltered lives!) 
 

BLIND  DRUNK----- 
A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER   complaining  of severe pain while trying to remove his  contact  lenses.   
He said that they would come out halfway, but they  always popped back in. A nurse tried to help using a suction pump,  but  without  success.  Finally, a doctor examined him and discovered  the  man  did not have his contact lenses
in at all.  He  had been trying to rip out the membrane of his cornea.
(Oh  my gosh!) 
 

 OUCH  AND DOUBLE OUCH! ----- 
A couple hobbled into a Washington   State emergency  room covered in bloody restaurant towels. The man had  his  hands around his abdomen and the woman had hers around her head. They eventually explained to doctors that they had gone out  that  evening  for a romantic dinner. Overcome with passion, the  woman  crept  under the table to administer oral sex to the man (Classy  or  what??).  While  in the act, she had an epileptic fit, which 
caused her  to clamp down on the man's penis and wrench it from side  to  side.  In agony and desperation,
the man grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the head until she let go.   And  you thought YOU were having a bad  day!!

[Skinnifatkid]

ROTFLMAO!!!!

Few years back, one of the guys I worked with came in and told us a story of what his ER Nurse wife had witnessed the night before; a male had come in bleeding severely from his anus. When asked what had happened he explained that he had used a bicycle pump to inflate his..."Wrecked-um" and in the process ruptured it!!!

What ever floats your boat! The concrete cast thing is in a Howard Stern book! Some people...

[feyd]

Those are great but I do hear stuff like that all the time at work.....bet you guys haven't seen a pelvic x-ray of flash light "sucked" all the way up some GUYS pooper?  It wasn't a small one either....the flash light, not the pooper!

Ahhhh, I could tell stories all night....

[Rob]

More random stuff from work....

HOW TO START A FIGHT
 
 
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as
a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
 

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while
we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered. I then said,
'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes.'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started...


My wife and I were sitting at a table at her school
reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his
drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he
hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started...

 
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting
to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had
something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat,
making beer....Always something more important to me. Finally she
thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall
grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing
scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into
the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again
I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the
grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
 

 
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started...


Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my
lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the
boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential
downpour. The wind was blowing 50mph, so I pulled back into the
garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather
would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back
into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back; now with a different
anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is
terrible."  My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my
stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started....
 
 

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in
about 3 seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started......


After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply
for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's
License to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come
back later.  The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt
revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me'
and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at
the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped
your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'
And then the fight started...
 
 
My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was
not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to
pay me a compliment.'  I replied, "Your eyesight's darn near perfect."
And then the fight started...
 
 
 
I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day! The driver
got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!' So I said, 'Well, which one
ARE you then?'
That's how the fight started.

[bobbyvstrom]

That was a great way to start my day, Rob.  Thanks for the smiles.  Bobby

[Big_Dan_G]

Ok guys, I know I have been a little absent the last while lots on the go at the office.  But I have a request some of you that know my GF Kay also know that she is taking classes here.  She has an assignment that requires a survey to be done.  There is a male and female component to the survey and right now the girls are winning.  So I am asking for a little help if you could spend two minutes helping Kay to get her assignment done. 

The cut off for the survey is this Wednesday.

From Kay:

Hello friends,

Thank you for helping me with my assignment. This is for a marketing class I am taking at the university of Lethbridge. The purpose of the questionnaire is to understand the consumer's behavior on selecting the brand/products and to compare the results over gender and generations.   
So far, we have Female respondents: 22, Male respondents: 11

We need more participants (especially men) to achieve required number of participants.

Please help! Here is the links:

For female participants:
http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/2V2Y6DN

For the male participants:
http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/NS6PH87

 I really appreciate if you would be able to help us by doing it.

[Desmodab]

Done - good luck Kay.  Great seeing you 2 again last night,

SS

[Pops]

 Survey done kay good to see you and Dan again

[acid jockey]

Survey done. ski season soon

[Skinnifatkid]

Kay, survey done!

AJ, bite your tongue, Bugger!

[OldMedic]

Done for Kay!

[ShinyOwen]

Survey done.

Heard Marmot had snow on Sept 16th. I won't mind if I can't go snowboarding until January due to lack of snow and a brown Christmas!

[acid jockey]

I Hear that, the less it snows the more i make. let the sun shine here and snow like hell in the mtns.

[Big_Dan_G]

Kay says thanks to you guys for helping her out with her assignment.